How to.. Not blow off your first serious relationship

Here we are again: relationships. Relationships are definitely not easy and that is a fact but how is it when your first relationship is a serious one, which asks you an immense amount of patience, understanding, compromises and sacrifices?

I know, it feels like jumping into the deep. You never know if what you’re doing is right or if it bothers your partner but he doesn’t say anything in order not to hurt you feelings. You don’t know what to expect from him and what he expects from you and more importantly if you both will succeed in mathing the other’s expectations. Nevertheless, relationship can be the key to true happiness and can bring out the very best of you. The secret is to know how to achieve equilibrium between you and your partner.

Don’t overthink

The worst thing you can do when you are engaged in a serious relationship is to overthink reality. Men act and think in a direct way that we don’t always understand but need to accept it, as long as it doesn’t hurt our feelings (see the next point). Start from this simple fact: men just come from another reality and they think in a way which isn’t the way women do. The solution is easier than you think : Take it easy. He’s behaving the way he believes is the best one, which doesn’t mean that it’s really the best one. Do not forget that men are also very proud of themselves. If you attack them saying that this is not the way to act, they will feel like they’re living under martial law. Don’t overreact, talk to him in a quiet way, as you were speaking with a baby from birth to six, and show him compassion and empathy. Once they feel comfortable and show you the very same empathy you did, explain them how they just did something wrong but stay quiet and positive. The right attitude can solve so many problems..

Speak out your feelings

If something doesn’t go the way you planned it or if something he did or said hurt you, just say it. Don’t expect men to be able to read your mind. Seat down and tell him with what was wrong with it. The right words in the right sentences will solve everything without creating conflictual situations.

Free space

Did you ever hear about philosopher John Gray’s “Rubber band theory”? Dr. Grey asserts that whereas men are more similar to rubber bands the feminine behaviour can be compared to that of waves. If a woman feels like she’s caught in cage, she will rush away like a wave to find her place and then she will get back with the force of the water. A man needs some space. If he feels to be free, he will enjoy his freedom to get back to his beloved with stronger feelings and passion. The secret is that everyone of us needs to take some time to spend on his or her own, without the other one. Of course, waves and rubber bands act on different basis but the result will always be the same: take some time and enjoy something you can do all alone, when you get back, passion will be stronger than before.

Don’t take it personally

As said before, men and women need some time alone and they often feel like they don’t need the physical contact with the counterpart. Sometimes it happens that they express it in a harsh way that may hurt a woman’s feelings but if they do so it’s only because they also know that they need their partner and are afraid to let their minds speak for them. The heart of a man will always seek for a feminine hug but their mind will suggest to make some space and see how condifent they are without women. So, if a man tells you to leave him some space and to let him be free, don’t think that he doesn’t love you anymore. Au contraire, he does, he just needs to get back to the origins, to the caves, where men were the kings of the house and didn’t depend on anything but hunting and fishing. Let him jump into the past and take your time to do what you may have put off to concentrate on him…

Don’t forget about yourself

The next issue is directly connected to the point before. When we start a relationship, we tend to think that it deserves all of our time. Wrong, wrong and definitely wrong. A relationship is a completion of your life, not its base or its core. Sure, loving someone may put you on the next train to “happiness” but you’re also important for yourself, qren’t you?. The first and real responsibility you have in this life is to make yourself and the ones you love happy. If you forget about taking care of yourself because you’re caught up in a too much demanding relationship, it’s time to take a step back and rearrange the business. Take some time to read your favourite book, watch your favourite TV shows or films, have a pedicure or a manicure, go shopping, meet with your friends or visit your parents. Do it and when the wave will crawl back along the beach, you will feel happy and free to commit yourself even more into your relationship but always in the correct amount.

 

Love is a gift we received from life and it needs all our care to grow and develop into a long lasting story. Nevertheless, both sides must not forget to take care of themselves and dedicate some time to discover new sides of them they didn’t know.

Never forget about yourself and you won’t regret it.

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One Comment Add yours

  1. Lindullina says:

    Hi Rosalinda,

    I agree with some of the points you wrote. It’s true that a relationship cannot take all your interests away: everybody should take some distance from his/her partner and his/her Story. Why? First of all to protect him/helfself. I know, it could sound somehow sad and cold, but it’s not. As you can read in the famous book ‘The Prophet’ in the chapter about the marriage: you should walk togheter with your beloved and not on his/her shoulders. This makes you free, not only in your life but also in your feeling…in this way you ll get for sure a sane relatioship with your love- feeling :)

    Like

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