What’s left now

After five months in Morocco, I got back to Europe. What’s left then?
Well, it’s definitely hard to tell. Melancholy. Sweet memories. Love. Disappointment. Friendship. Wish to go back.

All of them at the same time and never together.
When you visit places you never saw before, you suddenly feel like you have lost something leaving your home country but still you feel a strong wish to discover, see and live the country you’ll be living in for a lot of days.

When I landed, I suddenly cried thinking about my family, my house and everything I left behind. I was scared and felt a deep loneliness which didn’t leave me for the following days. Then I went out of the airport and met the woman who went to pick me up, a good old friend, who gave me a list of things to do before I leave, including cinema, jogging, museums and a lot of other activities.

The following months were just full of things to do, hard work, study and good time with some new friends.
As the days went by I understood that I was exactly where I wanted to be, I could be myself without fearing to be misjudged and it didn’t really depends on Morocco but on myself. I finally realized who I wanted to be and nobody could ever destroy this strange new feeling that was growing inside of me and built the hard rock and the basis of my renewed me.

When I got back, I was another me. Everybody could notice a slight kind of change in what I used to be and what I became. My body was always the same but my eyes were teling another story.
I miss all those old days so much and now that I live in acold corner in Germany I miss all this even more.
Friendships have gone so fast. Love is hard to figure out. Future is unknown.

The time I was home (about 10 days) was useful to think. I suddenly figured out who really is a friend and who is not. Not because the latter is a bad person, at all. Just selfish and self-concentrated, which is not always a bad thing, let me say, but it doesn’t really help a friendship going on well or developing if you mean it.
So actually the real friends you need are few and they are often far from where you are.
Those empty spaces they leave when they’re not there are just physical but far more painful than any other emptyness you can live.
And it gets even more painful when you realize that the only good friends you have can reach you every once in a while and all the others who don’t care about anything else than themselves are around you all the time, judgung you and telling ou what you have to do to be successful.

And then you remember about all those old moments with your family when you were just happy and didn’t want anything else but stay there and enjoy what you can live with them.
Sometimes all you have to do is leave everything and go back home,even if it’s crazy, even if you risk to lose something else but just go and find yourself, the real you who has been waiting to come out all this time you were so far away. Get on that train or plane and reach the place you belong to.
Nothing can pay back that feeling of safety and happyness you will experience, not even a good job.

May we all find the peace of mind.


A thought

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